What to do when tour child feels like an outcast because of bedwetting, OR the following...?

When your child thinks, I feel insecure.

No child will simply come right out and say it that way, but there are many signs that a child is feeling that way on some level. Children who feel this way will often try to be loud to garner more attention or will be quieter and try to attract as little attention as possible. Children may bully others or attract bullies as a target. They may cling to the home, fearful of venturing anywhere else. They may become quite clingy and demanding in all sorts of ways. Insecurity is a bigger problem than many think. It can lead to experimentation with drugs in older children who want to fit in and it can lead to a host of destructive behaviors, even in younger children. It can prevent children from trying new things and hold them back from excelling. It can also lead to image problems and feelings of unhappiness or even depression. Building self-esteem in children is a long road, but it can be done. Start by praising your child for the things that he or she does right. Also encourage your child to take part in activities or try things outside the home. Often, when a child accomplishes something all by themselves the pride of the success will outweigh all the positive praise possible, as it creates a real feeling of accomplishment.

When your child thinks, What will others think?

Children often worry most about other peoples reactions rather than about actual bedwetting. Put another way, if there was no one else around, bedwetting would be far less stressful for a child as there would be no one else to know about the problem. Many children imagine what others would say, and the imagination is always worse than the reality. Or, your child may have had one or two experiences of being teased for the problem and now is fearful that others will react in a like way. Either way, worrying what others will think makes a much bigger problem out of bedwetting.

Such anxiety also puts lots of stress on a child, often unnecessarily. You can help your child overcome this problem by discussing with your child possible reactions people might have to the bedwetting and discussing what could be said in response. If someone accuses him or her of being a baby, for example, you child can point out that lots of older kids wet the bed or tell the teaser that bedwetting is not about being a baby, but rather a condition. Be sure to discuss possible nice or sensitive things people could say, too, so that your child is not just imagining the worst. If your child is hesitant about other peoples reaction because he or she has already had a negative experience, you will have to work a bit harder.

Talk to your child about the incident, and consider why someone would have a bad reaction (Could they have been ignorant about bedwetting? Could they have been having a bad day and just taken it out in that way? Could they just be mean-spirited, saying something unpleasant about anyone, whether they wet the bed or not?). With your child, discuss what the child would do or say in the same situation. Then, talk about any positive experiences the child has had with people learning about his or her bedwetting and discuss possibly kind things that people could say once they find out. This sort of role playing is very effective in having your child feel in control of situations where people learn about the bedwetting. Often, the most frightening thing about someone's reaction to us is that we cannot control the reaction. Imagining what to say gives your child some of that control. Also, imagining or remembering positive reactions will take your child out of the mind frame that all reactions will be bad.

93. When your child thinks, This makes home feel terrible.

Bedwetting affects not just the child afflicted with Enuresis, but rather the whole family. In some cases, children may resent the home or may feel that their problem creates an unpleasant atmosphere at home. Parents may disagree over the treatment options, siblings may feel jealous of the attention the child receives or may tease their sibling over the problem. The child may also come to associate his or her bedroom with nighttime discomfort. There are many ways that bedwetting can affect the home, and few of them are pleasant.

The best way to counteract this problem is to work together as a team. Everyone in the family should be included in decisions that affect the whole household (decisions such as changing a sleeping room so that one child will be closer to the bathroom, for example). You should also try to make home as un-tense as possible. Make bedwetting less of a family upheaval by making clean-ups easy and by making the child affected help with some clean-up. Also, make sure that you have everyone in the household agree to no teasing. Creating a serene home environment is helpful for everyone affected by bedwetting.